Aidric,
You are two months old! And again, it is all going way too fast. But I feel now that I am a little more rested and focused, so my time with you is even more intensely wonderful. Maybe because I am a little, teeny bit less confused about what your cries and sounds mean, I feel better connected with you. Yes, that is what this month has really meant: a new connection. You went from being connected to me physically by being part of my body, to a month of either sleeping not more that 18 inches away, attached to my breast, or nodding off in my arms. But now, when you look us in the eye, you react by smiling, waving your arms and legs like wild, and making these soul caressing sounds. You started smiling right before you were 5 weeks old. When I thought it would be impossible to be any more in love with you, you smile, and a new world record in loving is made.
You now watch us talk so intently, and then mimic us in your own little sentences. I can tell you love doing this; Your eyes light up and you kick your legs and reach out with your arms. Then you look back at my face for more. You have a whole little vocabulary now of sounds. When you are bored or wonder where I went, you let out a loud "GAH!" I call it your warning. It means, "Someone better come here right now!" You now weave your 'hn-gee', 'ah-hoo', and 'a-gow' into new sounds and sentences. So amazing. I sing 'I love you' from Paul McCartney's Silly Love Song, and you sing it back to me. Bliss.
You are still not a big fan of tummy time, but you are getting really good at pushing yourself back over to your back. Now I prop you up on the boppy and put a mirror in front of you. You like that. You can hold your head up pretty well for some time, but then you need a rest.
We have started to go out too. Our first trip out other than doctors' visits was to Trader Joe's, and you were just fine. And we went to see Daddy at work one day. You were not so happy that day. Luckily, you love to go for walks with us, and now that the weather outside is finally less of a furnace, we can actually go out. Both of us have just been a sweaty mess since you were born. I have been looking forward to cooler weather so we can put you in the Moby wrap or the sling. Plus, you look so adorable wearing jammies.
You don't nap as much as you are expected to, but I think it's just part of who you are. So we just hang out, walk, talk, and play all afternoon. I certainly don't mind, as I have learned to read you better. I get to witness all these developments, big or small. Like how you 'point' with your index finger now, or how your hair is getting lighter. I watched you slowly and deliberately bring your hand to your mouth, pull it back, and then pull it close again. You little genius. You have gotten so much bigger and chubbier. When I look at pictures of you from just a few weeks ago, I can hardly believe how much you've changed. While you are getting better at amusing yourself for a little while in your bassinet, you also have perfected your crying style (through LOTS of practice) when you are tired and won't sleep or when you need food NOW. You are already your own little individual. You don't like all those stereotypical baby things like swings, pacifiers, car rides, or vibrating chairs. That's cool, Little Guy. You be you. I love you for it.
Your Daddy and I went out to the frame store last week while your Grandpa Max and La Nona Peggy watched you. It was the first time I was not in the same room with you. The whole time I was out, it felt like I had forgotten something very important, like wearing pants. I know our relationship will always change and evolve. I hope you always look to me for comfort and nurturing and strength.
There are moments when I am drifting off to sleep after nursing you in the middle of the night, and I lie next to you, when I feel I am you. Like we are of the same stuff, just temporarily separated. We drift off to sleep as I still feel your soft little hands on my skin and your amazing sweet baby scent in my head. You are a super concentrated piece of my heart now in the form of a tiny perfect helpless body. When you cry, I have never felt such anguish. But when you smile and 'talk', my heart leaps with a feeling beyond description. Thank God I get to experience that pain and ecstasy through this new connection with you.
I LOVE YOU,
Your Mommy
